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Craziest client request/story...1,2,3..GO!

Discussion in 'Freelancing' started by lj melville, Nov 19, 2014.

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  1. (Let's keep non-paying clients separate from this thread.)

    I'll start...

    This story is called "Encouragement"

    There's been a few, but earlier today I actually received a request from a client that encouraged me to create this thread.

    I create the weekly newsletters for his website and also help him increase his subscribers.

    He requested today, "I want you to please come up with a way to encourage subscribers to cancel, within the first three sentences of the newsletter."

    A couple things to note:
    Subscribers aren't unhappy with the content
    Very low unsubscribe rate
    Medium open rate

    So I said to him an action like this should not be encouraged at all! But as client says so shall contractor do...
     
  2. I am not sure I can share one of mine (have had a few shockers, though admittedly I've been quite lucky). Often mine seem to stem around what people want which quickly gets toned down when they realise they cannot get Facebook for £800.

    The best story I heard recently was a guy who got penalised in Google. He was minted, and bought the next flight to Mountain View, California (he lived in Switzerland by the way) to KNOCK ON THE DOOR OF GOOGLE AND ASK THEM WHY THEY PENALISED HIM. He was shown the door.
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. Mine are usually SEO related :) Like:
    I want my site to appear for 10 phrases on first Google page in certain postcode area. Can you do that today?
    or
    Client: Will you do a store on Magento for 100 bucks?
    Me: How many products will you sell?
    C: 5
    Me:
    indeks.jpg
     
  4. I advertised for writers at the start of October. Most people were polite and professional, however one guy was a little sensitive about me pointing out his articles were not good enough.

    I won't share his details, though I will share that his name was Thomas. Considering how abusive he was, I think I handled it well :)

    This was our email correspondence (copied from Gmail).

    Thomas

    I am a very experienced copy writer with knowledge in this area. I am
    also a trained journalist, so I know how to find sources and conduct
    interviews. I do it frequently, actually. I would be very much willing
    to do an article a week for you. If you would like to see my CV to see
    my job history, please let me know.

    Kevin

    Hi Thomas,

    Thanks for getting in touch.

    I checked those articles, however there is no mention of you writing them. In order to verify the quality of a blogger, it is important for me to see who wrote the article.

    Additionally, the quality of the articles was not high. They did not include any links, any images, or any references. I'm looking for bloggers with more experience in this area.

    Kevin


    Thomas

    My byline is in the third one. The first two I ghost wrote for Nightlight Media.

    Why would you email me back a multi-paragraphed rejection letter?

    Don't call my work low quality. Your a jerk! Go fuck yourself, smartass.


    Kevin

    It's "You're a jerk!" or "You are a jerk!". It's not "Your a jerk!".
    If you are going to get insulted about me saying your writing is not good enough, you should at least take the time to use correct English grammar.


    Thomas

    pay people pennies for 1000 word stocked content, that's fine...

    but why insult what I do for living, man?

    go write a big email for someone you're going to give a chance at this gig. I'm a graduate scraping by. I can't believe a jerk like you has my email now.

    If you have any respect for a 22 year old with a broken laptop to his name - Don't bother replying, king.


    Kevin

    A graduate scraping by? You told me you were an experienced copywriter and a trained journalist?

    Chill man. I didn't mean to cause offense by my email.

    I'm sure you are a capable writer, however the articles you sent me did not illustrate that. There is a big difference between just writing a generic article for a content mill and writing a good blog post. Those articles are not good enough for a blog.

    If the money is not good enough for you, why apply?


    Thomas

    Because I'm a trained journalist. Therefore, I'll take any job that means I could fill the fridge.

    I told you not to email me back, which means you can't drop it and don't respect my privacy. Stop wasting your time, Kevin.

    Go find your writers.


    Kevin

    haha ok Tom. Chill man. No need to be so angry about all of this.​


    :)
     
    lj melville, Boris Beo and Kris Hoja like this.
  5. Number 4 killed me :D
     
    lj melville and Kevin Muldoon like this.
  6. It sounds to me like your violating his privacy :p
     
  7. I know Boris. I have felt bad about invading his privacy ever since.
     
    lj melville likes this.
  8. OMG, I currently have clients who very much want Comic Sans!!!!
     
    lj melville likes this.
  9. haha Just give them it John. Make your client happy :)

    comic-sans.png
     
    lj melville and Kris Hoja like this.
  10. Kevin, Believe me I'm trying but can't seem to get it up on the site. Google Fonts don't have it. I am trying a plugin that lets you import almost any font but that's not working due to php restrictions on my host. So I'm currently swinging between my host support and the plugin support (who now want admin and ftp access)! yikes!

    I now have another plugin installed which lets me choose Comic Sans in the Post Editor. But I'm really looking to set this in CSS not on a post by post basis.

    Yikes!

    apt cartoon btw. :)
     
    Kevin Muldoon likes this.
  11. Such a pain. Sounds like the client was very specific about their request for comic sans.

    It is not something I have very strong feelings for or against, though I know many designers detest it.
     
    lj melville likes this.
  12. Like you, I don't mind either way. At least its not Times New Roman.

    If any developers out there have some ideas or solutions for me I'd be very grateful to hear them.
     
    Kevin Muldoon likes this.
  13. @John Anderson have you tried @font-face generators? Simply upload Comic Sans ttf file and then use it in CSS :)
     
  14. Kris, thank you for this. I'll do some further testing with this but it looks very positive. I'm guessing the url could be a folder on my host.

    and the example at w3schools is enough to change the default font on my site.

    @font-face {
    font-family: myFirstFont;
    src: url(sansation_light.woff);
    }
     
  15. Mine tend to be along the lines of SEO too.

    But there was one client in particular. The client called me up and gave me a list of changes he wanted to make on his website, along with a bunch of branding elements (he wanted letter heads and other branded stationary etc).

    Some of the branding services was a service my agency didn't offer and the client had missed payments for a few invoices. He was dodging calls from us. But, despite the fact he wasn't paying us and had no intention of paying his invoice - he still wanted me to do the work LOL.

    The biggest issues with clients tended to be because of 3rd parties screwing up and throwing blame around.

    Like this one client, they had an IT guy who managed their website. He sorted out the backups, hosting and maintenance. Then one day he had the site migrated to a new host and accidentally deleted the clients blog. Then he closed the old hosting account so they deleted their full backups.

    Despite how we didn't manage anything to do with the blog, this IT guy emailed me, CC'd the client in included the words ... "Well, you should just fix it because it's your client and it's good customer service".

    Fair enough, I liked going out of my way to help clients, in fact I always put more time into that account than I should have. But when there's no backup... there's no backup!
     
    lj melville and Heather like this.
  16. You couldn't just create the whole thing again from scratch, Adam? ;)
     
  17. Client: Hi, here are login details to (Company Name), please install WordPress and theme.
    Me: Okay, give me 30minutes.
    Me (after 2 minutes): Dude, but it's just a domain, you don't have hosting plan.
    Client: Isn't it your duty to pay for it?
    Me: :cry:
     
    Heather and lj melville like this.
  18. #20 lj melville, Apr 22, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 22, 2015
    Hah! He surely has a lot of money to blow for nothing!

    "Can you do that today" ...how many times i've heard this is absurd :p
    your Roman guy depicts the feeling perfectly

    22 ...gimme gimme gimme...no...f-off f-off f-off

    *shakes head*
     
    Kevin Muldoon likes this.
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